5 Reasons You Don’t Actually Want To Be So Damn Perfect
Today I’m excited to bring you another guest post this time from Nicole Mathieson, kinesiologist and life coach at Open Hearted Woman. The need to be perfect is something that many of us feel. Unrealistic expectations that we place on ourselves to have everything in order can sometimes be overwhelming and really limit our experience of life. Nicole shares her thoughts on why you don’t really want to be so damn perfect.
You look great.
Your house is nice and it is clean.
You have the job of your dreams or at least you are working on it.
Your kids are well rounded and well nourished.
You are kind to the environment.
You are fit and healthy and always well-groomed.
You have friends and a social life.
Everyone loves you.
You know all the latest music, cult TV shows and movies.
You are always upbeat and happy.
You have a veggie garden.
You want to make the world a better place.
If you can relate to more than a couple of these, you are freakin perfect.
You think this is great but actually……
You feel tense. Your stress systems go into a panic if anything falls.
The reality is, that it is all too much pressure.
Something has to give.
Here are 5 reasons for you to consider letting some of this drop for the sake of your overall well-being.
When you are too freakin perfect;
1. You can become intimidating
Your friends love you but when you are perfect it is really hard for them to feel comfortable around you. When they have a problem – they think you can’t relate. When their house is messy – yours is freshly vacuumed. When they lose it at their kids you are patiently playing puzzles with yours. When they buy take away for dinner – you have home grown organics cooking in a crock pot. Nobody else can keep up!
This is fine except that your friends are a lot less likely to show themselves and their deficiencies. They do not know that the pressure to be perfect is killing you. They think this is all effortless for you. So they feel distant.
2. You often can’t be as close to people
When you are perfect – you are wearing a mask. The mask is one that does not fail to impress. It is tried and tested and over the years has kept you safe in your sense of belonging, but it is not really you. Even if they did get close, who are they getting close to? Is it you? Or is it your masked crusader?
What happens in those moments of deep intimacy and closeness when the masks are down? Do you flee? Or do you let them really see you. Deep down you know that you are not letting them close.
Letting them truly see you, imperfections and all, means deeper connection and intimacy which is what your heart actually desires.
3. You can’t have as much fun
The focus on being perfect creates a block in your capacity to feel pleasure. Pleasure comes from the space of letting go of control. When the focus is on fitting in and keeping up to a standard that you have decided is acceptable, you are controlling things tightly. A tight clinging on to how you express yourself in every situation.
Having fun comes from the sense that everything is okay and that you are safe. Remind yourself of this by bringing yourself into the present.
4. You are afraid of mistakes
When you are focussed on being perfect, you see mistakes as bad. You see any movement off the path of correct, neat, proper or all organic as a failure and a waste of your energy and resources.
But what if mistakes are juicy and vital for you? What if they were in fact honing your skills, wisdom and capacity? What if there were no such thing as mistakes? Everything that has ever come your way has been perfect for your growth. Even this tension you feel around knowing that you are clinging too tight to being perfect – even this is the perfect lesson to help you become more whole.
5. You are more exhausted
Think about a life in which you trusted that whatever happened, and whoever you were with and whatever was expected of you, just bringing your energy to the present would be more than enough.
How would it feel to know that there was no need to pre-plan, second guess, stress about every possible outcome or be so freakin gorgeous.
In fact you are enough, your presence is enough and that all is well.
Feel it now for a moment. What could you let go of?
How would it feel to let it go?
The message here my darling is that although it feels risky to let down your guard, it is in fact the path to a much richer, deeper and more rewarding existence. When you come to a state of trust. Trust that you are in fact enough, just as you are and that all is well, then you can live without the pressure to keep up this unsustainable perfection stupor.
I know your subconscious is complaining right now, saying but if I let this drop, I will become a slob – this is just your resistance. Is it really a threat for you to just fall in a heap without this pressure? In fact if you were naturally a slob, you would be one by now.
The idea is to follow what makes your heart and soul sing and drop the have-to and shoulds to free up your energy and space for living in your flow.
The message is trust.
Say to yourself every morning:
I trust my spirit
I am enough.
Feel the energy you bring to every moment. And know that this is enough.
Nicole Mathieson is a kinesiologist and life coach at Open Heart Woman. She is a healing light. Her mission is to ignite self-love, deep unconditional self-acceptance and joy in women so that they feel empowered to explore, create, express and take pleasure in their unique and precious lives. You can connect with Nicole via her website http://openheartwoman.com, through Facebook or on Instagram.
Do you feel the need to be perfect? How did you realise that you are in fact enough and that you are perfect just the way you are? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.